And She Lived…

{October 14, 2008}   Hockey returns and random thoughts of failure

Bucky’s hockey season starts tonight. This is his 9th year playing. Wow, that doesn’t seem possible. It’s true though. He has been playing since he was four. The hubby was saying just a couple days ago how it’s only going to be about a year and 2 months before Meechi is old enough to play. He is incredibly excited about that idea. Of course, really it is only a year because he doesn’t actually have to be 4, he just has to be 4 by January of the current hockey season. With a December 28 b-day he falls right under the cut off date.

Anyway…. I was talking about Bucky. I have seen so many changes in him this year. He is starting to get tall, he will have caught up to me soon. (Shy is already passing me) He is also starting to become more centered on his friends than he used to be. I am afraid we are starting to become the boring parents that it’s not fun to hang out with. At least he waited until he was 12, since Shy hit that phase at about 11. Bucky is also noticing girls now too. Well, I think he’s noticed them for some time but is just finally at a point that he is comfortable admitting it. He will only tell me and his sister though, and we are not to mention it to the
Stad (step + dad = stad). He got some serious teasing from his Stad about a girl he had a crush on in Kindergarten and hasn’t forgotten about that yet.

The other thing that I have really noticed about Bucky getting older is how much his feet have grown. He wore a size 4 shoe all summer. When we went to buy his new shoes for school (that was quite an adventure by the way) we ended up having to get him a 5 1/2. Now with hockey season upon us, this major foot growth meant new skates. Fortunately he fits in to my old skates, so I just gave him those. They are boys hockey skates anyway and they are barely used. Back when the kids were really little and I was still married
to Mr. Wrong, I decided it would be fun to learn to skate and maybe even play hockey myself. Ha! I was totally wrong. Skating is hard and hockey is even harder. Totally not fun for me at all. So, I leave it to the guys in my life. Well, Shy played too for about 5 years. She started at age 4 as well. After a few years she decided she wanted to be a cheerleader. Now she can’t stand cheerleaders and wears odd clothes, has hair in her face and has become a “drama kid”. (it fits… she is very dramatic anyway) Hmm…. what was my point? Oh, yeah. So Bucky now has my barely used skates to wear on hockey nights when he is with us.

He always has 2 sets of hockey gear. One at our house and one at his dad’s. We don’t want to have to worry about lugging everything  back and forth. Also if we don’t have to deal with handing off the gear, then we don’t have to deal with each other. During an average year I would say Mr. Wrong and I say less than 200 words to each other. (and 200 might be a bit high of a guess) We like it that way. Bucky has hockey two nights a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Since he is with Mr. Wrong on Tuesdays he goes with him and wears the gear from his house. The guy actually bought the kid all new gear this year which is shocking since he had him wear pants that were way too small, and therefor dangerous, a  couple of years ago. That was the year we went to Kazakhstan and before I left I sent the pants we had that fit and offered much more protection with him to his dad’s. The next year he had new pants over there. (i think i made him feel like the putz he was by sending pants that would be safer for our son) So, anyway, we take Bucky to hockey on Thursdays. So even though this is his first night, we won’t actually go until Thursday. The first couple of practices are brutally boring anyway. Actually, all practices are boring but we stick around since it’s easier to stay than drive home and then turn right around a few minutes later and drive back. The games are fun to watch though.

Mr. Wrong and I have this sort of unspoken understanding that we won’t go to anything that happens to fall on the other persons day with the kids. At least not things that are a recurring event like sports. When it is a one time thing then we suck it up and simply sit as far away from each other as possible. This is for things like Shy’s plays and concerts. Of course this year we didn’t have to go on the same night since the high school production of Parade ran for three days straight.

I am just not feeling this whole high school thing. I have issue after issue accepting Shy being in high school and all that that entails. It really has nothing to do with the fact that she is actually old enough to be in high school though. Even though I tend to say things like, “I can’t believe my daughter is in high school. I feel so old,” I don’t actually feel old becuase of that. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t know this was coming. I have had 14 years to get used to the idea. High school is just so different now from when I went. It’s like a full time job now. More than full time really. Well, this subject is all a whole other post of it’s own. So I will leave it for that.

There are times when I stop and think about how we can’t keep avoiding each other (mr wrong and i). Eventually we need to get over all the crap we have put each other through over the years. (although anything i did was totally justified and he is just an ass… ya, i know i gotta work on this attitude too) If nothing else we certainly need to become civil with each other by the time Shy gets married. I keep thinking that is years and years away, but I always thought high school and dating was too. But here we are. I’ve thought many times about sitting down with Mr. Wrong and his wife and having a discussion about putting our past in the past and keeping it there. I have been thinking about it for years actually. I even mentioned it to him once about a year ago. But then something will inevitably happen that gets one of us mad at the other and any thoughts of talking fly out the window.

So how did a post that started off being about Bucky and the new hockey season end up being more about the horrible relationship I have with my ex? Probably because this is one of the times of year that I feel like we are failing our kids in this area. It would be nice for the kids if Mr. Wrong and I could get along. At least be able to have a conversation. Hockey season is one of those times that it is really obvious that we can’t. It  is something we need to work together to change. I think that’s the biggest problem, we need to work together. How do you work together on being able to do things… together???


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