And She Lived…











{November 9, 2008}   One Sunday Morning

I am spending yet another Sunday morning sitting at home in my pj’s thinking that I should really be getting ready for church.

you see… I have been planning to go back to church for a few months now. I haven’t done it though. The sad thing is that I really do want to attend church. It’s the whole actually going thing I am having trouble with. I seem to come up with an excuse every week. If Shy and Bucky aren’t home then I think that I will wait for the next week so they can go with me. If they are home I ask if they want to go and they say “not really” so we don’t go. Or they ask which church (more on that in a minute) and I answer with one church and they say “no, not if you’re going to that one”. Something, always something. I am almost always awake in time to go but if no one else is then I don’t want to wake them but I don’t want to go alone. I think about going just me and Meechi but then I think about how he won’t last 5 minutes in the nursery before they’d call me out of service to come get him anyway. And no, I don’t know that would happen for sure. It’s just a guess, or maybe just an excuse.

But I really do want to go. Inside I really do. I think about it all week long and tell myself that this will be the week I actually go. Then Sunday comes and I sit here in my pj’s not going.

I have been wanting to attend a new church. I really like what I have heard about it and it is non denominational. They are very accepting of everyone. It seems like it would be a good fit for me. It’s small and I have met a couple women my age who attend there and they are very nice and easy to talk to. They just don’t have much in the way of a youth program. They also don’t have a real established fellowhip program or mops or anything like that. So I also think I should go back to the church we used to attend because they have amazing youth programs and fellowship programs and mops and all that. Some Sunday’s I sit here debating which church to go to until it’s too late to attend either.

Right now I have 45 minutes before the new church’s service would start. I have an hour and 45 minutes before the old church’s service would start. I have time. I still don’t think it’s going to happen though. And I just don’t get why I don’t go. Is there something deeper in me that I am just not seeing? Or is it the social anxiety disorder taking over?

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Hope you went. It sounds like want to go, motivate yourself and go. 🙂



Chel says:

Oh, honey, welcome to my world. When we moved to Florida, we were leaving an unfortunate situation with regard to the religious denomination in which we were both reared. And we vowed not to attend a church of that denomination. But neither of us had ever attended anything else, and we were completely lost as to which type of church to attend. That was two years ago.

It’s so confusing… what denomination? Non-denominational? Big church with lots of programs or small church with lots of connectedness? How to determine what each church believes? So Much!

Keep me posted on your journey & I’ll do the same.



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