And She Lived…

{November 30, 2008}   Wrapping Up National Adoption Awareness Month

It’s the last day of November which means an end to NaBloPoMo. Ya, I am glad to put an end to that. And for those who subscribe to my blog, I am sure you are glad to see an end to it as well. Nope, I don’t think I’ll be doing that again. Over and over I have had a tendency to put undue pressure on myself when it comes to blogging. Over and over again I tell myself I won’t pressure myself again. But I keep doing it anyway. Blogging reflects my life in that way. Taking on things I know I shouldn’t, but doing it anyway.

There is one thing that I wonder whether or not I should take on. Something I have been thinking about for a very long time now. That thing is a second adoption. While right now isn’t the right time to bring another child into our family, due to financial issues and getting Meechi started in all his therapies and school, I still think about it. It is something we really want to do. Meechi’s adoption took 15 months from start to finish. That is time from signing the contract to him actually arriving in our home. I think about where we will be 15 months from now and I think the timing for bringing another little one into our home would be pretty good then. I will have finished school and hopefully started a new job. Meechi will hopefully be caught up with some of his developmental skills and happy in his 2nd year of pre-k by then. So, the timing feels right. Also, it seems that adoption is taking longer these days, so it could be even longer than 15 months this time around and that would be ok too.

We are not jumping right into adoption. Instead we are going to go sort of slow with things this time. Lesson learned! At this point we are not even sure where we will adopt from. Our most likely choice at this point is actually US foster care. We were afraid to go that route the first time. Afraid of the emotional and mental damage that has been done to those children. See how naive we were back then? To not realize that the same is true for any orphan, anywhere. Of course we also wanted a baby back then, anddidn’t think we could adopt one from here through foster care. I do know that it is harder to adopt a baby when you go that route. We don’t want a baby this time around. Give me a child that has some emotional trauma, as long as he is potty trained and can talk! I know that sounds like I am diminishing the importance of a child’s emotions, but honestly if Meechi could talk it would make everything he has to deal with SO much easier.

One thing that we were a bit disillusioned on before adopting was thinking that babies do not suffer all the emotional and mental damage that older children do. We did not realize that it was possible for a baby to experience RAD. We know better now. We know full well that a child of any age will experience trauma from being abandoned by their birth family and from life in the system. Whatever system they happen to be stuck in. Meechidoes not have RAD, he attached to us quite easily. He does have separation anxiety though. I can not leave the room without him following me everywhere I go. If he doesn’t see me leave the room, when he realizes I am gone he screams in terror. If Hank tries to take him somewhere without me he reaches back in the door screaming “mommy! mommy!” because he doesn’t want to leave without me. If I go somewhere without him it leads to a meltdown as well. (first few days of preschool ought to be fun, eh?) Well, the point is that we understand a lot more now. We are better prepared for what to expect.

Sometime after the first of the year we are going to start doing the PS-MAPP training. (PS-MAPP stands for Partnering for Safety and Permanence Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting) This is the required classes for people to adopt from foster care here in Ks. In this course we will learn about loss, attachment, managing behavior, birth family connections, and how to help children transition into their new family. Even if we decide not to adopt from foster care and do adopt from another country, this class will be helpful. It is what I think all prospective adoptive parents should do. No matter where they choose to adopt from. I truly believe it should be required for anyone entering into adoption.

When we decided to adopt the first time it never entered our minds that we would ever want to do it again. We simply wanted another child. A son that the two of us could raise together. It is because of our amazing son that we want to adopt again. He has brought so much into our lives that he has us craving more. We want another child to love and care for. Another child to bring more joy into our lives. Also, we want our son to have a sibling closer to his own age. He loves his brother and sister but there is such a big age gap. We think he would benefit from having a brother closer in age. Yes, we want another boy. I am just not a princess and ruffles kind of person. Besides, as I parent a teenage girl I realize that I don’t want to live with the worries I have over her again with another child.

Today is also the last day of adoption awareness month. That is the reason I have chosen to announce our plans to adopt again in the not too distant future. I want to share the magic of adoption with everyone. We have gone through the trials of adopting through an unethical adoption agency, getting less than average treatment from adoption coordinators, losing a job due to the adoption, huge financial setbacks, unexpected developmental delays in our son, living every day with his SPD issues… and we want to adopt again. If we can make that decision then I hope we can inspire at least one more family to adopt. There are thousands of children out there who need parents to love them. They are hurting andsuffering from loss. They aren’t perfect, but neither is any of us. I truly hope some of you will find it in your hearts to consider adoption.

al    oli



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justice says:

hi, i just came across your blog and i had to comment on this post. my son is adopted from foster care and came to us at age 15 months. he’s 2.5 now, but certainly had attachment problems for the first year (and some residual even now). this is my soap box now because a lot of people think babies are a safe bet. i went through the training with social services (i live in CT) and of course learned all about the potential issues. but i wasn’t prepared for MY feelings about the issues. i thought i’d be able to handle it with parenting perfection. HA! anyway, i wrote out my entire adoption story on my blog for national adoption month starting november 1st in my archives. you can check it out if you want. otherwise, good luck with your journey in adoption parenting! oh, and agree with what you said about the 20/20 show.

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