Well that’s just patheti-sad

Okay, so I’ve been on Facebook for awhile now. I haven’t really paid much attention to it though until recently. Not sure why. Just one more thing to waste my time instead of doing something productive I guess. Anyway…. I decided I would search for some friends and found a few from work. Ya, I know I am not working but from when I did work. I found a couple of people. So then I decided I would search for some friends from high school. That ought to be fun.

I searched for my bff from high school. She wasn’t on there. It occured to me then that the 2nd f in bff really doesn’t count. We aren’t bf’s anymore. Hell, we ain’t even f’s. Hmmm! So I was going to look up some other friends from high school. Let’s see there was Karla. But what the heck was her last name? Ummmm… no clue. Okay, maybe she wasn’t such a close friend afterall. The how about….. ummmmmmm… think, think think….

Nothing. Couldn’t come up with another female friend. None.

Okay then, I’ll search male friends. I came up with a couple but they weren’t on Facebook. Okay there has to be somebody.  But once again I couldn’t come up with anyone else. Hell, even the two I had come up with weren’t really friends. We talked in school but not outside of school really.

That’s when it hit me. I really didn’t have more than a couple of friends in high school. Then it hit me that even that is more than I have now. I really don’t have close friends anymore. The ones I do have are family so that doesn’t seem to count as much. I mean, would they be friends if they weren’t family??? I have a couple of people I call friends but we never get together and do things together.

(sigh) No wonder I spend so much time in the blog world

Age… it’s sneaky

Age is funny in that you really don’t even notice it happening to you. The saying about how it sneaks up on you is so true. I mean, I don’t feel any older today than I did yesterday. That can be said of all my today’s and yesterdays over the past 36 years. Every day you wake up, you don’t feel any older than you did the day before, but it’s certainly happened. I feel older than I felt 10 years ago, and much older than I felt 15 years ago. But we don’t notice it as it’s happening. It’s very subtle. So we go on day to day not feeling any older than we did the day before. Of course it’s all just an illusion. The changes are so tiny and insugnificant as they happen that we don’t even notice. Age is indeed sneaky that way.

 

I got to thinking about how age sneaks up on you the other day when I was posting about Shy dating. I jotted down those thoughts and that is what you see above.

A blog friend is thinking about age right now too. She celebrated her birthday a couple days ago. Go wish her a happy one (even if it’s a little late).

About the Hair

Yes! I really did that. I have not taken pictures yet… but I will. and yes, I will even post them here.

There is some good news in this. I tried straightening my hair to see how it would look straight. It’s actually really cute! Shy even saw it and said “wow, you look pretty”. Like it was a major shock her mother could actually look pretty. Snot!

I haven’t straightened my hair in months because it’s such a pain to straighten it. Especially when it was long. Until it grows back out I guess I will have to live with having to straighten it, because the alternative is too scary to face.

Pictures soon… I promise

Warning… your hair will thank you for listening

If you ever:

Have trouble sleeping at night and you’re tossing and turning and your nightie (okay… t-shirt) is getting all twisted around you and your hair keeps getting in your face or trapped in the pillow and preventing you from getting comfortable and sleeping

Do NOT:

Get out of bed at 3am and find a pair of scissors, head into the bathroom and start chopping at your hair in hopes that making it shorter will stop the problem and you will be able to get comfy and go to sleep

If so:

you will likely still not get comfortable and need to get back up and change the darn shirt or just take it off. You will then finally get comfy enough to sleep but will then wake up a couple hours later to the startling realization that you have chopped off half of your hair.

You will then:

Jump out of bed, run to the bathroom and pray that it was all just a dream. Once facing yourself in the mirror you will realize it was not a dream and you have now managed to make yourself look like awful since you now have short, poofy, mushroom shaped hair on your head instead of the long flowing curls that get compliments everywhere you go.  (or at least it used to)
Take this advice to heart from your friend here… the one with the short, poofy, mushroom shaped hair!!!

Parade

Last weekend Shy’s school had their big musical. They do a few shows throughout the year but only do one really big musical production. The reason for this is that they have to pay a fee (an incredibly large fee) for the rights to do whichever show they choose. This year I feel their money was wasted.

It’s not that the kids did a bad job. Most of them were pretty good and a couple of them were really, really good. Of course it is a high school production so you also had a couple kids that were less than wonderful. They’re kids… it’s to be expected. The overall performance was really pretty good.

It was the musical itself that I have trouble with. The thought process behind doing this particular production was to promote conversation and to get people thinking. While it was certainly a story that holds great potential for those ideas, it lacks in entertainment. I realize they weren’t exactly going for entertainment value, but honestly… they should.

This is a high school production. These are parents and brothers and sisters in the crowd. There were even a few students in the crowd who had come just to watch and support their friends. (more on them later) This isn’t the type of crowd who came to watch thought provoking drama. We were there to see our children perform and to enjoy seeing them perform.

Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t mind watching the kids perform something dramatic that promoted conversation if it also had entertainment value. However the musical they chose failed, at least in my opinion, to be entertaining. It was a very dark story about very serious matters. I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that anyone chose to take such events and turn them into a musical in the first place. Events that were taken from history. A true story of tragic events… turned into a musical.

I know I, and Bucky, were not the only ones who failed to find entertainment in this particular show. Remember those students I mentioned? The ones who came to see their friends in the school play? They left at intermission. At least the two boys in front of us did. The got up, walked out the doors and never came back. I was a bit envious of them for their ability to flee.

I was bored. The actual events that happened were interesting enough and had it been made into a movie I think it would have managed to be good. Maybe even as a play. Not as a musical. Plays can be serious and dark and dramatic. Musicals? Give me a nun spinning on a hilltop or a bunch of people in cat suits. Heck, I’ll even go for a guy with a disfigured face wearing a mask and terrorizing a theater. But drunks, murderers and worse yet… politician’s! That just doesn’t say musical to me. Especailly not for high school kids. And it certainly doesn’t make for an entertaining 3 hours.

Yes, that’s right. 3 hours! A high school production that lasted 3 hours. Too much.

I tried to consider the possibility that I might have liked it more had Shy been cast in an actual role rather than just being in the chorus. (yes, i know i shouldn’t say she was JUST in the chorus, and i’m working on that one) I really don’t think it would have mattered if she’d had the lead role. I just didn’t like musical. The performance was good. Like I said, the kids did a good job with what they had to work with.

I heard that last year they did Little Shop of Horrors. My high school did that one my junior year. That was entertaining. Thought provoking? No. A conversation starter? No. But entertaining and to me that is what a high school production should be.

 

okay readers, here is your homework comment assignment. Check out this description of the musical. Let me know in comments your thoughts on a high school doing this musical production.

Spirituality

I have been thinking a lot about faith lately. For long time readers of The Bitter Ball you may remember that I was doing a series of posts on Faith at one time. I never finished the series because I felt I was going off course on the subject with my last post on False Faith.

Now faith is on my mind again. It is more than that though. My heart is full of questions that my mind can not find the answers to. I feel as though I am at a crossroads. There is something going on within me that is looking for something more. I am searching for something. In this search I doing a lot of reading on various things concerning religion, spirituality and faith.

Over at Chel’s blog she posted the results fo a spiritual gifts test that she had done. I decided to do this myself. Perhaps it could provide me with a bit of insight into my own spirituality. I was stunned by the amount of questions I had to mark disagree or strongly disagree for. Anyway, I thought I would post my results here so I can look back on them easily.

Score	Spiritual Gifts	Scripture Reference
89%	Hospitality	Acts 16:14-15
78%	Mercy	Luke 10:30-37
78%	Discernment	Acts 5:3-6

Hospitality: This gift is the special ability that enables the Christian to provide open arms, an open house and warm welcome for those in need of friendship, a warm welcome, food or lodging.
Mercy: This gift enables certain Christians to feel exceptional empathy and compassion for those who are suffering so that they devote large amounts of time and energy to alleviate that suffering.
Discernment: This gift allows certain Christians to know through the power of God and with assurance whether some behavior is of God or of Satan.

Watching the Tragic Movies Of My Life

I feel like I am living outside of myself, looking in. Maybe that’s not quite right… not quite what I mean. I just feel disconnected from my own life, from myself. I just don’t feel real right now. Maybe I just don’t want to own up to my life right now. It’s easier to think “this can’t be me. this can’t be my life.”

It’s as though I am watching some crazy, tragic, dramatic movie with some dumbass woman in the lead role doing all this stupid stuff and I just want to scream at her through the screen. The problem is, she’s me.

I didn’t take the job at the ice cream shop. The one I was looking forward to because I wanted some time outise the house, and because we needed some more income, and because it was just part time so I could still have time with the baby, and because it would be easy and not at all stressful. Ya, that job. I didn’t take it. I got a call a few days before I was supposed to start about coming in for an interview with a really huge vision/optical place here. Really huge here, like 20 offices here in town and in smaller towns all around. Anyway, I went to the interview and was offered the job. The responsible part in me couldn’t turn it down. It was better money and more hours. I convinced myself that was what I needed to do for my family. So, I took the job.

I hate this damn job!!! I really, really, really, really hate. I hate the work. The women I work with are mostly bitches, and I don’t usually judge people like that, especially not so quickly… but, OMG are these women bitches! There are a couple of nice ones, but the other ones are outright mean and don’t even bother to try and pretend they like you. Nope, their hatred jumps right out at you. Guess why? Ummm…. cause most of them are like 19 or 20 years old. I am working with bitchy, little girls. I hate it! I am too old for this crap. I can stand working with people I don’t like if I like the job. I can stand working a job I don’t like if I like the people I work with. I can NOT stand to work somewhere that I hate the job AND the people. It’s hell. I hate getting up in the morning and going to work. Hate it! I wake up and just want to cry.

I should have taken the ice cream job! I really, really should have. I had all those reasons for taking that job but I let myself believe that  making more money would be better for my family. Less time with my family is not better for them. Me being miserable and stressed out is not better for my family.

I just want to scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This isn’t me. This isn’t my life. Is it?

It is. The sad truth is that it is.

Oh, there’s more. There is more that I just can’t connect myself with. I can’t own up to it as my life. We’ve moved of course (just finished yesterday). I just stare at all the boxes stacked up everywhere and sigh. I don’t know where it’s all going to go. This place is smaller than where we were before. I don’t know how all this stuff is going to fit and we’ve already given away and thrown out so much. It’s just one more thing that I look at and think “no way is this my life. no way do i really have to deal with all this.” But I do. I have to deal with it. I can’t right now though. Right now those boxes are going to sit.

I don’t want to be whiny. I don’t want to sound depressed. I’m not depressed. I’m really just mad at myself. I am mad for letting myself get into the situations I do. I have to figure out this job thing. I think I need to find something else because if I stay at the job I took I really might end up depressed. I think about the paychecks and I tell myself I can’t quit but then I wake up and I would rather slam my head in a door than go to work…. I think I gotta quit.

And She Lived…

After a year of blogging at The Bitter Ball I am ready to move on and leave the ball behind. In the past year I have learned to let go of bitterness. I have been living a happier life. Will it be a happily ever after? or is it just a happy for now? I will find out as I live life after the ball.

The Bitter Queen left The Bitter Ball AND SHE LIVED…